I think marriage is a total joke. It is widely known that half of all marriages end in divorce. Britney Spears was married for something like 55 hours. Zsa Zsa Gabor and Elizabeth Taylor each have been married eight times, and Mickey Rooney had nine wives in total. Even my parents got divorced after 23 years of marriage (I’m not really sure how they stayed together that long ...). Marriage is not a sacred institution. Heterosexual people are probably more likely to live in the same house longer than stay married to their spouses. Buying a house is an investment you want to hold on to, but you can always find a new companion if your current one pisses you off.

I also think that marriage is discriminatory. Lesbians and gays are excluded and denied the rights heterosexuals take for granted. Opposing gay marriage is just as racist, sexist, and bigoted as segregation 50 years ago when whites in the south deprived blacks the same rights and privileges they enjoyed. Today we think it was horrible how the blacks were treated then. I think in 50 or 100 years when same sex couples can marry legally (because it is only a matter of time, just like segregation) we’ll think the same thing—how could we have treated gays and lesbians so horribly?! Gay marriage and gay rights are the last frontier for equal civil and human rights. So as soon as gays can marry, I’ll be in the front of the line with them gettin’ hitched to my beau.

Our experiences living in NYC these past 2 1/2 years have only solidified our determination not to get married. Who says that two men who have been together for ten years shouldn’t get married if they want? Their love is probably ten times stronger than an equivalent heterosexual couple’s commitment. They most likely have had to face many more obstacles together living as a homosexual couple.

If two women want to get married and raise a child, no one should stop them. We should be thankful that the child would have two loving parents—that should be our focus. I think we have a lot of problems in this country because we don’t put value on creating and helping to maintain two parent households, and we certainly don’t value raising children. We pay someone minimum wage with no health benefits to take care of our kids. What is really important is bigger paychecks, luxury cars, how to be thin, and who’s going to get voted off the island. Teachers, schools, child care workers, and making sure every child has the supportive environment they need to grow into healthy adults all get lost in all the above. But I digress ...

In fact, countless research studies from highly reputable institutions, such as the American Psychological Association and the American Civil Liberties Union, demonstrate that children living with gay and lesbian parents develop as normally as children with heterosexual parents. And research from equally reputable institutions, such as the U.S. Census and Kids Count, on children raised by a single parent indicates that they are at a significantly higher risk for poor academic achievement, substance abuse, violence, teen pregnancy, imprisonment, and poverty than children with two parents. I have seen it firsthand working in a variety of child mission-focused, non-profit organizations over the past six years, and in my own life compared to my friends whose parents were together when we were growing up.

To me, at the root of it is that a romantic, loving relationship is between two people—one man and one woman, two women, or two men. Their commitment, decision to marry or not marry, live together or not live together, sexual habits, eating habits, etc. are just that—theirs. I do not think we are here to decide what people can and cannot do when it comes to their personal relationships. I believe that as long as one partner is not physically, mentally, or emotionally harming the other or any children that may be involved, then that couple should be free to conduct themselves as they see fit, even if that means getting married nine times. (Just don’t tell me you think marriage is a sacred institution.)

Recently, as gay marriage has become a major public issue, Michael’s and my decision not to marry only gets stronger. If there is a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, we have talked about leaving the country. When gays and lesbians were getting married in San Francisco in February 2004, we spent hours discussing whether we should fly out there to stand in line. When gays and lesbians can get married, then we’ll think about it. Until the institution of marriage is open to all adults, I believe marriage is a discriminatory, abused human right and I don’t want to be a part of it. Marriage for all or never for me.