I came out in 1975 at the age of 18 in Denver, Colorado. Where I lived no one knew if gay people really existed or were mythological beings. I was always a positive person, believing, even then, that gay people would one day have all the same rights as everyone else. But later, in my 20s, I was never truly convinced we would ever have full marriage rights and eventually cut the thought out of my mind. I stopped going to weddings. Two years ago I relaxed my 25-year boycott of weddings and attended a straight friend’s wedding in the Bahamas. My partner Michael Darden came with me and we contemplated marriage for the first time.

In the spring of 2008, I met some members of the LGBT marriage-rights advocacy group The Wedding Party at a gay networking mixer, and Michael and I decided to do some publicity for their just-released fundraising CD “From the Heart.” During the campaign I listened to the CD and we all talked a lot about marriage. Then out of the blue the California Supreme Court legalized same-sex marriage. As time went on it sort of started to seep into me that we could actually get married. All the activity with the From the Heart project energized my spirit to dream and believe in the possibility of marriage again. That June I proposed to Michael and he said yes.

 Gregory, Michael, and their wedding party

We flew to San Francisco and were married on October 3 in Mill Valley at a friend’s home. We moved into a new apartment on the Upper East Side of NYC and are very much still in the newlywed marital bliss phase! The economy stopped our plans of having an East Coast wedding party, which is okay—after the West Coast wedding we feel satisfied. Getting married was so much more than I could have imagined. It isn’t anything like being in a long-term relationship. I had lived with a different partner in the past for eight years. Being married = social support and acceptance far beyond being partners or having another non-married status. One of our biggest challenges is finding other gay married couples to socialize with. That hasn’t worked out yet (there seem to be very few around) so we are very happy to have straight couples that we socialize with. We are thinking about children but have not decided on that.

The passing of Proposition 8 was much harder for us then we anticipated. We married before the election as a precaution in the event that 8 passed. When it did, we just were not prepared and our newlywed time was dampened by our friends’ confusion and questions we could not answer. We await the Supreme Court decision on whether or not we will still be married, due in the coming weeks. If we are still married that will be a watershed for us, letting go of all the doubt. I applied at work for marital status with our marriage license. My paycheck still says “Tax Status: Single.” I guess that is because the federal government does not recognize gay marriages.

I really get it now how second-class same-sex couples are without the right to be married. There are so many things we still cannot do that straight couples can do, and those victories will be won in time. But I can now say that anything less then full marriage rights is totally unequal. I believe this fight (and ultimate victory) for marriage equality has many parallels to the stand Rosa Parks took: a defining moment that completely changed the course of a civil rights movement. It is the help of organizations like The Wedding Party and SWiSH that keep the LGBT community grounded and focused on that goal.